The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves.
We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are not ok to us.
A first step is starting to know that we have a right to protect and defend ourselves.
That we have not only the right, but the duty to take responsibility for
how we allow others to treat us.
Learning to set boundaries is a very important part in learning to respect yourself.
No one deserves to be treated abusively, No one deserves to be lied to and betrayed.
We all deserve to be treated with respect.
If you set boundaries and do not enforce them, it gives the other person an excuse to continue with the same old behaviour.
How do I set a boundaries with a friend?
Ask directly for what you want.
Be clear with what you want to happen.
‘I have got something I need to talk about, please do not tell anyone else’
Take care of yourself and your honesty towards others.
Protect yourself by not betraying your friends.
‘I am not going to tell you, she told me not to say anything’
Don’t react if someone has a go for something you haven’t done.
Don’t get caught in other people’s drama.
‘That has nothing to do with me and is not my problem. But I will talk to you about it if you want me to’
Maintain a bottom line
There is a limit to how many times you will allow someone to say no, to lie to you, to disappoint you, or betray you before you will admit the friend is not really a friend.
‘I have asked you so many times to respect me, you have done it once too often and now I don’t want you as a friend’
Trust yourself to pick the right person to share things with.
Not everyone can keep secrets. Trust that you will pick the right person … and allow others to make mistakes.
‘ I trust you not to say anything to anyone, because this is really important to me’
Tips for setting boundaries
- Be prepared to keep the boundary in place, if you say NO to someone and they put pressure on you keep saying NO or change the subject.
- When you first start to set boundaries you may feel uncomfortable. This is only because its something new and it will pass.
- Some people will be happy to respect you boundaries and some people will not.
- If someone is not respecting your boundary tell someone, you trust.
- Set your boundaries with your friend when you are ready to and not a minute before.
- The bonus of setting boundaries is you get to feel good.
Your Rights!
- I have a right to my own thoughts, feelings, values and beliefs.
- If people are abusive or disrespectful to me, I have a right to tell them so, to ask them to stop and to avoid them.
- I don't have to be nice to people who aren't nice to me.
- I don't need people in my life who disrespect me.
- I have the right to love myself, respect myself and to stand up for myself.
- I have a right to be who I am whether others like it or not.
- I accept myself just as I am.
- I have the right to make mistakes and to learn from them.
- I treat others how I would like to be treated.
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 Respect people who are trying to teach you something, even if you don’t want to learn.
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